Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Looking for love (in all the wrong places)

I have a friend who always seems to find the most intresting companions. We'll call her Lucy. So anyway Lucy has been a good friend of mine for some time now, and for as long as I can remember she's had boy issues. I mean, we all have issues with men, but Lucy's guys always seem to go above and beyond the call of duty. When we were in college together for instance she was obsessed with a certain guy who we liked to refer to as hairy monster. No matter how many times he didn't call, or how many times we all told her he just wasn't that into her, she made excuses and put up with his bullshit. Needless to say it ended badly, but everyone has their moments...you live, learn and move on, right? Well anyway, about a month or so ago Lucy started telling me about this new guy...I forget his name otherwise I'd use the real one, but let's just call him Mike. The problem with Mike was that he was too busy to call Lucy, so she only heard from him on weekends...and even then it was to go drink. No date, no courting, no nothing. Just plain old drunken..."love". Now Lucy couldn't figure out why she felt so bad about the whole thing. " I mean if he would just take me on a real date" she'd say, or " I don't want a relationship but is it to much to ask to get a phone call?" she'd ask. He sounded like your run of the mill asshole to me, but Lucy put up with him for just a little longer, to give it time I suppose. One night after doing some more of what it seemed they did best, Lucy brought up the issue of using protection. Up until this point, Mike didn't like using condoms and Lucy being the saint ( or maybe the devil depending on how you look at it) that she is, let him have his way. She told me she felt as though they were in 7th grade, both staring at the wall when they should've been looking at eachother. " I finally said it" she told me. She told him she thought it was stupid for them not to be able to talk about using protection, and that they shouldn't be embarrassed about it. " I had one right here." said Mr.Wonderful, " I know but you didn't use it." said Lucy. And then, I think Mike might have uttered the funniest and at the same time dumbest thing I think I've ever heard a guy say. " I know this is going to sound stupid..." stop right there, if you know it's stupid don't say it..." but it's like when you have pasta, and you can have Ragu but all you really want is some fresh marinara sauce." Wow. He just compared her to pasta, he compared having sex with a condom to Ragu...does anyone else think this is a little weird? When she told me I couldn't believe it, I've been compared to a lot of things but never pasta. I told Lucy that she should definitly move on, this guy was not only not charming but a complete idiot. She then told me she had figured out why she felt so bad about the whole thing, she felt he was using her, and she knew she was using him to. It was an all together fucked up, disfunctional situation, that no girl ( that I know) would like to be in. I hope one day Lucy finds a guy who calls her all the time not just for a booty call, and who treats her right, and takes her out and compares her to flowers or the stars or anything...just not pasta.

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