Friday, March 25, 2005

You Can't Hurry Love...

It's funny how life works. Actually it's more fucked up than funny, but occasionally it's both. It's just weird how we go through life thinking we have all the answers, when we don't have any of them. Everytime you go through something new, you learn a little bit more, but that doesn't mean you actually really take anything away from the experiance. It's all about what you do the second time around, wether or not you actually apply that knowledge to anything useful. I just got out of a pretty long relationship and I've learned a lot from it. One thing in particular I felt like sharing was the ever burning question of what makes someone fall in love? I still don't know. But what I do know is that it's something that can't be rushed, it can't be forced and it can't be faked. It's just something that happens...naturally or not at all. In a way I feel guilty because I know that my constant worry about him not loving me was probably one of the things that pushed him away in the first place. It's not easy, I know it's not. Saying I love you and getting an "ok" in response or sometimes nothing at all, or my all time favorite " thank you". Should I say your welcomed? No clue. You can't force someone to love you, and as hard as it is for you to feel something that's not mutual, it's also hard for the other person. You feel pressured, you feel really bad because you want to feel a certain way, but you can't. Sometimes the tables have to turn in order for you to see things from another person's perspective. I'm going through something in my life right now that I've never experianced before. I'm scared and confused, and of course I'm going to miss him still, I spent the past year and a half of my life with him. It's not that easy to just say fuck it, and move on. I wish it was but it's not, It's only been a few weeks for fucks sake. There were a lot of other things that made me leave my boyfriend, things that neither of us could control. But if him not loving me was the only thing wrong, I would've stayed because that's not his fault. Love is complicated, I'm just now figuring that out.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Mr. Anonymous said...

Hello.

I must confess to you my poetic readers that my heart is bleeding through a very, very small wound. If the question is about love, then I have to say there is no correct or incorrect answer. When love calls to you, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, though the sword hidden among his feathers may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, though his voice may shatter your dreams, because even as love crowns you, so will it crucify you. Even as he ascends to your height and takes care of your best branches that quiver in the sun, so will he descend to your roots and shake them wile they hold the earth. All these things will love do to you until you learn the secrets of your heart, and this knowledge will become a fragment of Life's heart. But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, then it is better for you to cover your nakedness and pass out of love's torturing floor, into the season-less world where you will laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives nothing but itself and takes nothing but from itself. Love can not be possessed nor will it posses you, because love is sufficient unto love. When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God." And do not think you can direct the course of love, because love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. But if you love and can not handle your desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running river that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy; To return home at any time with gratitude; And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

The same way we look at a newborn with eyes of compassion and care, we look at others with hate, happiness or love. After all, that is the only one thing that keeps us living… the power of feelings.

Are you ok Claribel? Are you happy? Sad?

I’m ok. Not happy, nor sad.

Tue Mar 29, 02:11:00 PM 2005  
Anonymous Sadder and Wiser Now said...

Claribel,

The next time you say "I love you" to someone and they reply "ok" or "thank you" or nothing at all, do the following:

Look them in the eye and say, "Listen, Chuckles,"--unless your nickname for them IS "Chuckles," in which case say "Listen, Sparky"--"I just told you that I love you. There are only two correct ways to respond to that: either you tell me that you love me too, OR, you tell me why you do NOT love me, and then you get out. So what's your answer?"

This procedure will eliminate a LOT of heartache early on.

Tue Apr 05, 05:33:00 PM 2005  
Blogger claribel said...

-Older and Wiser now...
lol I like that, sparky, hopefully I'll never have to go through that again, but in case I do, I'll definitly follow your advice, thanks = )

Wed Apr 06, 09:07:00 PM 2005  
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