Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Here I go again...

Ok so, as you probably already know my name is Claribel. I belive my name is the reason for my state of confusion...who names their kid after the clown from Howdy Doody? It wasn't intentional, but nonetheless my name is the root of my insecurities as a child. I've been called everything from Tinkerbell, to Taco Bell and the ever popular Caramel which is usually followed by the " Are you a dancer?" question. Lately I've been feeling very out of place. My 21st birthday is approaching and more than ever before I feel like there's something about me I need to change. I know that there's somthing I need to change. Despite all my friends telling me how pretty they think I am, I look in the mirror and see something scary. When I go out, I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. A before picture, in a room full of afters. Honestly, I know I need to lose weight, and thats one of the reason's I feel so shitty. But there's a sort of mental warfare that I seem to be losing to those little voices we all have in our head ( though not all of us admit it). The only way I'm ever gonna feel better about myself, is to change the things I don't like and to stop being such a pussy and caring about what people think all the time. But for some reason I can't seem to tear myself away from cheeseburgers...they're so good. Well I have to go now, I'll try not to feel so sorry for myself next time but I can't make any promises.