Friday, March 25, 2005

You Can't Hurry Love...

It's funny how life works. Actually it's more fucked up than funny, but occasionally it's both. It's just weird how we go through life thinking we have all the answers, when we don't have any of them. Everytime you go through something new, you learn a little bit more, but that doesn't mean you actually really take anything away from the experiance. It's all about what you do the second time around, wether or not you actually apply that knowledge to anything useful. I just got out of a pretty long relationship and I've learned a lot from it. One thing in particular I felt like sharing was the ever burning question of what makes someone fall in love? I still don't know. But what I do know is that it's something that can't be rushed, it can't be forced and it can't be faked. It's just something that happens...naturally or not at all. In a way I feel guilty because I know that my constant worry about him not loving me was probably one of the things that pushed him away in the first place. It's not easy, I know it's not. Saying I love you and getting an "ok" in response or sometimes nothing at all, or my all time favorite " thank you". Should I say your welcomed? No clue. You can't force someone to love you, and as hard as it is for you to feel something that's not mutual, it's also hard for the other person. You feel pressured, you feel really bad because you want to feel a certain way, but you can't. Sometimes the tables have to turn in order for you to see things from another person's perspective. I'm going through something in my life right now that I've never experianced before. I'm scared and confused, and of course I'm going to miss him still, I spent the past year and a half of my life with him. It's not that easy to just say fuck it, and move on. I wish it was but it's not, It's only been a few weeks for fucks sake. There were a lot of other things that made me leave my boyfriend, things that neither of us could control. But if him not loving me was the only thing wrong, I would've stayed because that's not his fault. Love is complicated, I'm just now figuring that out.